


Not with A Thousand Swords

by Gothams_Only_Wolf



Series: Mostly Dead, Not All Dead, Thank You Very Much [3]
Category: Avengers (Comics), Captain America, Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (2012), The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom, The Incredible Hulk - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, I can't get up; the insanity's too suave for me, M/M, Make it STOP, Marking Kink/Fetish, Multi, Since when did I have one?, This Is STUPID, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Why are you still reading these tags, You learn something new everyday, help me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-01
Updated: 2013-05-01
Packaged: 2017-12-10 02:15:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/780605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gothams_Only_Wolf/pseuds/Gothams_Only_Wolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AKA Angel food cake and exotic desserts draw Tony out of the lab after his and Pepper's mutual break-up. Or Bruce has a rather excellent sense for when comfort food is needed. Shenanigans, Science and nerd dancing ensue. Enjoy the next installment of the verse!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not with A Thousand Swords

**Author's Note:**

> Argh! You guys always shake the Muses down for another part. So this is Bruce and Tony's story, complete with Hulk-outs, superhero nonsense and Tony's sass. It's also kind of Thor's and Natasha's too but you'll see what I mean. I must say that my readers bring out the Muses faster than anything I have ever tried. How do you do it? No bloody idea; you need to teach me or just, ya know, love it some more. 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I don't own the Avengers. I'm just playing with the characters and returning them slightly used, okay? Okay. 
> 
> WARNING: A slash fic. If you have a problem with that, click the back button or exit out of the window. When you read past this line, I have not coerced, forced nor compelled you in any manner to continue this fic. Contains Capsicoul+Clint, Science-boyfriends and ThunderSpider. However, that being said, if you enjoy a good story despite the pairings/trios mentioned please continue.

* * *

Bruce bakes when he knows Tony is upset. It's partly out of the tension and partly because Tony will, without much thought, accept food from Bruce. How that started? There's a lab in there somewhere, he thinks with a smile. 

* * *

 

He's recovering from the Battle of New York when it happens the first time. Tony literally falls asleep on his lap head pillowed on Bruce's fatigue covered thigh (the Airforce uniform the only clothing available at the time), completely relaxed. Bruce absently carded his fingers through the dusty and slightly bloody hair as they flew to SHIELD's ground HQ. Clint had fallen asleep on Steve as Natasha, absolutely exhausted, refused to lean on Thor. 

"Milady, no harm will come whilst you sleep. This I swear." The thunderer's voice is quiet moreso than Bruce thought possible. 

"No offense, Thor, but I still don't trust you." she fired back, defiance clear in her eyes. 

"Then do not trust me. You must sleep. I will stand guard." came the calm answer even as the hurt gaze slid to an unconcious Loki. She gave him a glare but settled against the blood-red cape, her body slowly sinking into the thick fabric. "Your other self fights most bravely." 

"... He's sorry for punching you." 

"Nay, he was a most entertaining battle. I will not have him apologizing for such magnificence. You are fond of the Man of Iron, that much is clear." Bruce coughed as he hid a laugh. "Are you well?"

"I'm fine." he says while holding back a smile. "You're smarter than they give you credit for." 

"The Lady Jane says that I am wiser when it comes to sensitive matters than she first thought. Though she did not appreciate the advice I gave her when it came to her assistant." 

"What advice?" Now he was curious; hey, he was still a scientist at heart. 

"That she should perhaps search for a grand love closer to her home." 

"Her assistant was in love with her?" Bruce blinked at that, well aware that he'd had quite the following even as a student. 

"Aye. Though the girl was clearly enamored, the Lady Jane had not returned her affections for some time." Thor murmured as Natasha wrapped herself in his cloak.   
"The Lady Natasha is clearly unhappy. Sleep will give her some kind of peace." 

"We should probably sleep too." Unfortunately, Bruce was in the rare, talkative mood after a transformation as opposed to the sleeping, out-cold-for-several-hours one. 

"You are vibrating with energy still. What is you do during such moods?" 

"Run." he sighs as Tony wraps sleepy arms about his waist. "Though I don't think either of us is going to be going anywhere anytime soon." 

"Tell me of your adventures then." 

"Well, it all started with the gamma-radiation experiment..." Bruce settles in as he slowly shapes his story with gestures and holograms. 

By the time they landed, Thor was in the middle of a hilarious tale of mischief with the Warriors Three and himself. 

"-Volstagg proceeded to run from the bligestine but did not escape Fandral's fate of being pinned to a tree. Sif and I had the greater sense to climb the trees before the herd had frenzied! It is thanks to the Lady Sif that we escaped with our lives." 

"What did she do?" 

"She approached the largest female in the herd and proceeded to whisper to the beast. We were left alone before we knew it. I have pressed her time and again for the response she gave but she just grins. It is most frustrating." the thunderer finished as the plane landed with a thump. 

"Sounds like she said something only females will understand." Bruce snorted as Tony groaned, obviously trying to sleep longer. 

"... I had not thought of that. You are one I am proud to call friend." Thor murmured as he fluttered the edge of his cape over Black Widow's cheek. She reacted with lightning speed, reaching up to hold Thor's wrist in place while she stood up with a knife in her hand that Bruce swears was not in it five seconds ago. She narrows her green eyes at the innocent piece of cloth in Thor's large hand and slowly (very slowly) settles back down into her nest of cloak. "My apologies, Lady Natasha. Is there a way you prefer to be awakened?" The look on her face is somewhat priceless; as if he dare suggest he'll get to see her this vulnerable ever again. "We have reached our destination." 

"You couldn't say my name and not touch me?" came the hissed answer as her eyes flicked to Tony and Clint's still sleeping forms, lingering on the archer with the protectiveness of a sister. Steve's curled around him the iconic shield protecting them both as they snooze away. Dark circles are under both of their eyes, indicating that they had little to no sleep leading up to the battle. 

"A thousand pardons. I will do so when we are in this situation once more." 

"... There will not be such a situation again." she said with a coldness she had obviously perfected. Thor's smile faded but his face was still warm, still quite at home even though it clearly was not his arena. He wasn't frightened of Natasha. Bruce envied him the balls for that particular feat but would never approach her in a familiar manner until she had made the first move. He liked his manhood where it was, thanks. 

* * *

 

Baking was a natural habit of his something he and his Mother had shared in the Before. See the thing was that Bruce separated his life into Before his accidental irradiation and After. After had produced habits like meditation, tea drinking as well as deep-breathing exercises. Before had been brief but sweet, sweet freedom. Now that he was protected by SHIELD and the Avengers, Bruce slipped; not much by most people's standards but enough to bake again. 

The soothing rhythm of beating egg whites, cream of tartar and vanilla into a fluffy mass had him relaxing even as JARVIS played soft music that sounded good to him. He folded in the flour making sure to pop the large air bubbles he knew were forming with a thin metal spatula. Carefully pouring the creamy mix into a cake pan, he set the timer and settled down to wait. 

Mind you, this was late afternoon with the sun slowly setting in the West. None of the other Avengers appeared to be coming out of the rooms they'd been given by Tony. There was a sudden crash, a bang and muffled cursing before a _very_ greasy Tony poked his head into the kitchen. 

"Is... Is that angel food cake I smell?" Large, hopeful chocolate eyes flicked from him to the oven, almost begging to go and take a look. 

"Yes. It's my Mom's recipe. Wash if you want any of my cake." he chastised gently as he turned Tony around with two fingers on the surprisingly broad shoulders. 

"Sound like Cap when you go all mother-henning. Do you two trade secrets or something?" came the whine even as said genius closed the bathroom door. "I'm serious." Tony's voice coming into the kitchen intercom wasn't all that shocking, considering the amount of things that had come into Tony's mind while he showered. Something about it being the best place to think and he had to agree with that particular assessment. 

"No, Tony, the Captain and I do not trade secrets. I was just in the mood to bake and I don't want-I think that was alkaline solution and carbonated oil on your hands-that on my perfectly innocent cake." Bruce laughed as he could feel the engineering genius pout, if it was possible to pout through voice alone. 

"Right about the oil, wrong about the solution. It was an explosive compound reduced to a liquid. I didn't think it would be that dark to be honest." came the snooty answer. 

"Always calculate the color into your equations Tony, the additives also add into whatever you mixed. You know that." 

"... Damn. I need you in the lab more often." comes the request/demand. 

"If I spent as much time on the lab as you did, I really would be a hermit." he said dryly as he watched Natasha drop down from the kitchen vent to sniff suspiciously at the cake. "Shoo. It's not done yet." 

"Is that one of our super-spies?" 

"You know, this is supposed to be odd by societal expectations." Bruce murmured as Clint also slipped in to sniff, though he stayed by the kitchen door with a kicked-puppy expression. He was quickly joined by the Captain (who nearly cuddled Clint and stopped when he saw Bruce) and Thor, all of them looking hopefully at the display square on the oven. 

The timer went off right after Tony got out of the shower, the dark tank top doing nothing to hide the outer rim of the arc reactor or it's glow. Bruce hummed softly as he plucked the extra-large cake out and flipped it over expertly. 

"Cake?" Tony reached for it only to have Bruce tap his hand gently with a finger.   
"It has to cool down for another ten minutes. Shoo! Had I known cake was the way to gather everyone together, I would've done it a lot sooner." he grumbled as they slowly shuffled into the living room which had a perfect view of the kitchen counter. They were obviously waiting for his cake. "Watch TV, sketch, sharpen weapons for all I care. Stop looking at my hard work like it's something to be eaten as soon as it stops burning the roof of your mouths."  

"Sorry. It's been a long while since I've had my own urge to bake anything and I think I'll make strawberry shortcake next time I feel like it. Thank you." Steve muttered as he turned everyone's head away from the cake as he admitted that. 

"You bake?" Tony's tone is half awe, half hurt as he slowly pulls out what looks like a moleskin that's fairly battered. The younger genius doesn't concern himself with paper normally but this is new. He sidles over to Bruce, pressing the small notebook into his hands. Bruce takes it slowly, opening it and not expecting to see what he finds. The first page is a pencil sketch of what looks like angel food cake with whipped cream on top. "I mean, you, umm..." He'd managed to render Tony Stark speechless. "Cake's done." Bruce put away the moleskin to look at later. It had cooled enough for him to knock it out and serve to the Avengers with nothing more than whipped cream as a topping. It brought smiles all around, making him proud of his work. 

* * *

 

The next entry in the dessert book, as Bruce had taken to calling it, was strawberry shortcake. Steve made one that put Bruce's idea to shame. Each entry had been carefully made, painstakingly rendered to the last detail but with no recipe. It was as if Tony had put all of his favorite desserts in the book with no intentions of ever eating them. Part of Bruce wondered why he'd been given the book but the other half seemed content to be trusted at all with what looked to be something close to Tony's heart. 

Next came cupcakes, but not just any cupcakes; no, these weren't even super fancy. The writing stated that they were home-made red velvet with buttercream frosting. He saved them for when Tony had taken a severe beating and was forced to sit out the next three battles. It was also right after the mutual (not so much on Tony's side) break-up that had been a bit too public for the billionaire's tastes; namely in front of SHIELD Agents that liked Pepper more that Tony. 

"Tony?" 

"Mworking! What do you want, Pepper?" the gruff response was cool, nearly detached enough that if he'd been Pepper, it would have convinced him. But... 

"I'm not Pepper. Want to take a break and watch me bake?" Bruce answered as he leaned against the doorway. Blood-shot and red-rimmed eyes looked up into steady tawny ones. Tony broke down again, tears streaking down the already tight cheeks. 

"No. No, I'm good-" Bruce physically pulled the now sobbing genius up and into his arms on the work couch, soothing him with soft words and noises. The sniffles subsided into little hiccups before sliding into smooth, deep breathing patterns.   
"Liar." he whispered into the damp chocolate waves that were perpetually tousled. "Pepper wasn't right to break you so publically and then leave you for three days straight on your own." Bruce knew she hadn't intentionally tried to hit Tony where it hurt but she came damn close. "C'mon." Lugging the genius upstairs was a lot easier said than done as the man weighed a good 140 lbs naturally and had developed more muscle working with the suit than one would expect. 

Allowing the man to curl up in the breakfast nook Bruce set about gathering the ingredients for the cupcakes. He didn't bother with an electric mixer prefering to mix everything by hand in a world that was nothing but hands-free. Tony shifted and hugged a pillow, still snoozing away in who-knew-how-many hours. Bruce hummed snatches of song and occasionally muttered a lyric keeping track of the genius as he finished putting the cupcakes in the oven. He was doing what friends did for each other, so why did it feel like he was taking someone else's place? Hulk grumbled in his mind behind the barrier he'd imagined blocking his other half. 

**_Our Tin Man._ **

_He is not ours, Hulk. He's his own person._ he replied as he sank into that half-lucid state when he did converse with Hulk. 

 ** _Saved him like Lady. Our Tin Man._** the Hulk insisted, pressing his own feelings down the bond they shared. Protective, caring... And was that love? 

_No! We can't get attached to Tony. Or any of the Avengers._

But Bruce knew it was too late. He hadn't expressly forbidden himself not to interact. Therefore the Hulk had taken that as permission to get attached and have warm fuzzies for everyone but Natasha and Thor. 

_**Red scary. Thunder has hits that sting.** _

_Too late to go back now, hmm?_

_**Always was.**_ While simplistic, Hulk was a part of himself and he understood that they'd simply stopped caring at one point. The Avengers had awakened old fears and made new ones, namely losing them. Hulk pulled away suddenly and Bruce scrambled to stop the beeping timer before it awoke Tony. Thankfully none of the cupcakes were burnt or the smoke alarm went off. 

_Thanks._

_**Welcome.**_ He mentally patted Hulk on the head before slowly easing away to put the buttercream icing on the red velvet. Just as he finished the last one the dirty, sweaty Avengers trooped into the kitchen with uniforms on. 

"Smells good." Steve says as he stretches out the kinks and knots after battle. 

"Shh. Tony's asleep." They all turned to see a very much asleep Tony and someone (he couldn't tell who) made a noise that sounded vaguely like an 'Awww.' "Go shower and you can all tell me about later. I'll order Chinese takeout. Any requests?" 

"But I want home-cooked food." Clint whined, turning the kicked puppy face on him. Bruce opened the fridge as well as the freezer, searching the contents and making a satisfied noise. 

"Well, there's three bags of barbecue chicken and I think we have a few boxes of macaroni left?" He waved them off, finding the Mac and cheese right after they separated to their various rooms. What was surprising was that they'd paired off into rooms that distinctively weren't their own. 

Steve followed Clint; Thor followed Natasha only to get rebuffed at the door. Clint allowed Steve in with a soft smile getting a peck on the lips that they didn't know he could see. Turning away from the private scene, he set about making dinner for the Avengers, making sure Tony slept peacefully. It probably was the smell of food but Tony awoke long enough to sleepily eat several wings and a pile of Mac n cheese before curling back up to sleep. 

Bruce picked him up as Natasha offered to wash dishes. 

"No, I'll do them. Just let me put Tony to bed." 

"I will do them." He recognized that something had happened in the battle and she clearly needed to think or she'd kill someone to take the edge off. 

"Alright." He hefted Tony a little higher when the genius wrapped arms around his neck and legs around his waist. Bruce shrugged minutely but didn't so much as jar Tony until they reached the massive bedroom that still smelled faintly of Pepper. Tony pressed against him and made a sound of protest. "You don't want to sleep here?" 

"Mmm-mmm." 

"Do you want the couch or-" Tony clung tighter, his fingers clutching Bruce's shirt as he buried his face in the crook of Bruce's neck. "Okay then." He made his way to his room, gently pulling both of their shoes off and laying down. "JARVIS, I'm currently inconvenienced. Mind telling everyone not to eat all of the cupcakes?" 

"Certainly, sir." 

* * *

Bruce snuggled further into the warmth emanating from his arms before realizing that Tony had turned into an octopus, essentially clinging to him in his sleep. 

"Tony?" he asked, aware that he might sound like an idiot. 

"Hmmmm, five more minutes, JARVIS...." 

"I'm not-"

"It is currently sunny with a chance of minor showers later in the evening. The time is ten fifty-one. You are in bed with Dr. Banner after having a breakdown at precisely four fifty pm." JARVIS said as Bruce was about to finish his sentence. "My apologies, Dr. Banner, but he has been awakening to the sound of my voice since he finished me in 2000." 

"Apology accepted." Tony lolled on his shoulder, soft brown eyes half-lidded as the genius started to wake up fully. 

"Oh. I am so sorry-" The engineering genius scrambled to get away, a flush staining his cheeks even as Bruce felt slightly bereft without the man in his arms. 

"No, I'm sorry. You didn't want to sleep in your own bedroom. I brought you here. You should probably have breakfast before going back to sleep." 

"Back to sleep? I slept for... JARVIS?" Tony blinked and became more alert.

"Eighteen hours, sir. Quite the feat, I imagine, considering you've spent the last seventy-two awake." 

"You're getting sassy." the genius muttered as he yawned and stretched. Bruce blushed as the thought of kissing a sleepy Tony found it's way though his mind. "Breakfast it is." 

They made their way to the breakfast nook, blinking as they saw Steve and Clint kissing each other quite thoroughly against the wall. 

"Well, that's a sight to see in the morning." Tony drawled, serving himself coffee with a wry smirk. "Aside from you, Bruce. That was nice too." They broke apart so fast that a string of saliva still connected them. Tony broke it with a self-satisfied expression. "No, I don't care that you two are sucking face in my kitchen. I just wanted the cupcakes behind you. As you were." The tower of cupcakes had been untouched until Tony had grabbed the top-most one. "Hmm. Who made these?" 

"I did." Bruce is nothing if not proud of his baking. 

"You're... following the book?" 

"It's an interesting read." he hums in reply as he reaches for one of his own cupcakes. The couple are back to kissing, though less enthusiastically than last time. Bruce manages half of his cupcake before Tony asks the question that makes him choke a little. 

"... Did you get very far?" 

"Halfway. Do you want it back?" Bruce asks as he prepares his tea. He leaves a cup of hot water for Natasha and leaves the jasmine tea alone like the plague. She still eyes him with terrifying intent so he doesn't bother with his prefered beverage if the blueberry (or other fruit tea) has run out. He also knows she uses his when hers is gone but he won't say anything. Right on cue, she stalks into the kitchen with her hair mussed from sleep and pours the hot water over the jasmine triangle. Bruce sips his tea contentedly before she sidles close to him and sniffs. This is new to Bruce so he stays still as she continued to dunk her tea into the water to steep, leaning on him as though she doesn't have a rather large knife strapped to her thigh. "Help?" he breathes to Clint as the archer flips pancakes. 

"She likes you." The unrepenant grin makes Bruce frown at his teammate while finishing the (admittedly delicious) cupcake. 

"Well, I have things to do..." he motions with his head to the still-deadly assassin who is being far too cuddly. 

"She's assessing your aversion to snuggles. It's her thing after missions when she can't get to Steve or myself. Tony's not been bothered because she says she can taste the metal in him. She hasn't tested Thor because she'd just steal his cape and the God is really attached to that scrap of fabric." Thor wandered into the kitchen just after Clint finished, eyeing Bruce as Natasha burrowed further into his shoulder. 

"She is... affectionate?" The thunderer murmured, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. 

"Very. I have things I need to do in the lab. I don't know how long she'll be like this." Thor crowded close enough so that Natasha would feel his body heat instead of Bruce's. She immediately snuggled up to Thor; they looked oddly domestic, Natasha with a long t-shirt that looked like it could have belonged to Thor (plus a pair of shorts) and the thunderer dressed just as casually. That didn't stop Bruce from breathing a small sigh of relief when she shoved him away with a foot and into the chair next to Tony's. "I hope JARVIS records her reaction when she realizes it's Thor she's cuddled up to, not me." 

"You object to snuggling?" Clint asked as he set pancakes before Bruce and Tony. 

"Not necessarily. I just don't think I'll survive if she finds it's me she's laying on. She doesn't like me when she's awake." 

"Aww, bullshit. You just avoid her like the plague." the archer countered as he not so covertly groped Steve's ass. 

"She has yet to approach me in a manner that Hulk likes. Cuddles are nice but she has to be fully aware." Sure enough she snapped awake, trying to kill Thor. The god merely chuckled and offered his second shirt as a placating gift. 

"You let me cuddle with the Norse God?" 

"The alternative was me." he observed dryly while dunking his pancake in syrup. "Which would you prefer?" 

Sharp green eyes raked over his impassive face before her full lips turned into a rare smile. "You are less annoying than before." 

"Glad to hear it." 

They (meaning Tony and himself) retreated down to the labs; Tony immediately going for the massive engine block while Bruce brought up a fabric design he thought would survive the initial transformation and after. Bruce was not a fan of showing everyone his junk, thank you very much. 

"Tony?" 

"Hmm." the absent hum meant at least a quarter of Tony's massive intelligence was paying attention. 

"Do we have measurements for the Other Guy?" 

"No, we don't. Any reason in particular?" A grease stain had spread from it's initial point on his cheekbone down to his jaw in a smear of brown-black. "Cause I'm trying to coax as much speed out of this baby as I can without burning her out or reverting to NOS. The latter's only for street-racers and tactless assholes with no respect for cars." 

"You're not a tactless asshole?" he asked with no small amount of sarcasm. 

"Hey, when it comes to cars? Hell no. I like my ladies nice and smooth without being ridiculous." Tony sounds offended by the very thought. 

"The engine for this one?" Hey, he'd spent more of his time looking at engines and (sick) people than he'd care to admit. You put in the same amount of work and got glorious results if you were steady enough. 

"L-4 engine that's designed for the Corvette but I'm putting this baby into a Trans Am Firebird GT, 1993. Nothing but the best for my newest baby." 

"She's a project car?" Bruce dragged the hologram into following him as he inspected the engine. 

"I'm gonna call her Ol' Juicy. Muscle cars take up a lot of gas so get your mind out of the gutter if it's there." Tony made a grabbing motion as he fiddled with the engine some more. "Gimme the design." 

Bruce flicked it to the greasy fingertips with only a little wince. "The components of the fabric are re-inforced with carbon fiber and will have to have a built in charge so that they fit me after I stop being Hulk." 

"A charge? You wanna fry your manhood? Nooooo. I have a better idea. Here. Take that component there, add there, oh geez that's bad, subtract that and voila! Hulk-proof pants in under five minutes. Damn I'm good." Bruce looked it over and the design held steady under simulated fire, bullets as well as sound waves. Tony must have caught his conversation with his ex-girlfriend then. 

"Perfect. When do we-"

"I already sent the design to Pepper. She's having a pair made and they should be here by noon at the latest. That's why I have my own R & D for Avengers stuff. They fabricate it quickly as well as accurately. I build most of the stuff myself but I can't sew worth shit and I know you have better things to do with your time." 

"Are you alright with seeing Pepper so soon?" he asks taking the design back into his own hands, wiping away the grease and oil staining it. 

"... I'll have to get it over with, might as well be on my own terms. Also, you're gonna have to wash that shirt."

"I think I can handle my own laundry, Tony." Bruce laughs as he turns back to a cure he knows he doesn't need. "Hypothetical question, Tony?"

"Hit me." comes the answer even as the genius dives back into his engine work. 

"If I could control the Hulk... Would you still like me?" The insecure question is out of his mouth before he can take it back in any way, shape or form. 

"Still like you?" There's some muffled banging from underneath the engine before he hears a sharp clanging noise. "Ouch!" Tony's now bleeding forearm and forehead immediately make Bruce go for the first-aid kit. "Since when has it been a question of liking you? I enjoy the fact that you have a giant, green rage monster. I enjoy sharing ideas with a mind that gets them right away. So, uh, your question? Not a question; I would follow you to the ends of the Earth and back if necessary. I like having you around." Tony's word vomiting now (a term learned from Darcy, who's far too devious for her own good) but it's something Bruce finds endearing. "I sound desperate to keep you here, don't I?" 

"No. Just word vomiting." he assures even as some part of him relaxes from Tony's venhement affirmation that he would be missed. "Another question then, Mr. Genius. Say that question wasn't so hypothetical?" 

"Same answer, honeybear." 

The smug grin on Tony's face made him laugh. "Honeybear? Really?" 

"I was debating on sweet cheeks but realized it made me sound like Phil from Disney Hercules. Also you make some really good sweets soooo, yeah." The mechanical genius reaches up to touch the butterfly bandage and the expertly wrapped cut on his forearm tugs a little. "Oww... Geez, warn a guy when you have cuteness issues. That engine's not all sugar and spice like you are Bruce." 

"I'm sure Ol' Juicy will appreciate your blood sacrifice." He laughs as the other genius scowls at the engine block from the bench. Things were looking up. 

Of course, Fate thinks this is a great time to advertise the fact that Phil's not dead. Bruce doesn't appreciate the fact that demons from hell (quite literally) outbreak in New York just as they're about to see him. 

0o0o0o0o 0o0o0o0o 0o0o0o0o 0o0o0o0o 0o0o0o0o 0o0o0o0o

With Bruce locked in the back of his mind, Hulk set about crushing the beasts with a rage that was barely contained because he liked the Tin Man. Tin Man said that destruction of squishies was _bad_ and killing things that were not squishies was _good_. Hulk liked Tin Man; Bruce liked him even more as a Mate. But they kept that under wraps because Bruce wanted it so. Hulk found it stupid to hide so he did as he pleased when it came to their Tin Man. He watched as Pretty Bird tagged the demons in a game of Duck, Duck, Goose with explosive arrows. Red was snapping necks right and left as Thunder exploded them with a feral grin. 

"Care to make a game, Hulk?" 

"Puny god. Hulk smash. Hulk win." he boomed as he sat on a good dozen of the remaining demons. The not-squishies had figured out that the only thing that fire did was irritate him and that they stood no chance. He was having fun! 

0o0o0o0o 0o0o0o0o 0o0o0o0o 0o0o0o0o 0o0o0o0o 0o0o0o0o

Bruce groaned softly as he realized he was flush with cool metal as opposed to Thor's semi-warm armor or the Captain's scratchy uniform. So Tony had volunteered to carry him this time. 

"Hey." The faceplate was lifted even as Tony looked down, blood caking the butterfly bandage that was only changed less than six hours ago. 

"Hey." 

"Thirsty?" A cup of water was handed over to Tony from a SHIELD nurse. 

"A bit. Demon fire's apparently a little harsher on the lungs than regular." He gratefully sucked the water down, humming as he finished. "Oh, that's much better. Who won the game?" 

"So you do remember! It was a very close match, Friend Bruce, though your beast won by several." Thor boomed quieter than usual, seemingly conscious of the sleepy assassin cuddling with his cloak. 

"Great. Is there clothes for me or do I have to, uh, parade around in my high-tech undies?" Bruce asks as he sits up on Tony's lap. 

"That's actually a good idea. Do we have clothes-" Steve started only to get interrupted by Tony. 

"I brought in several outfits. Now, shoo. Bruce and I have to get properly dressed." Right Tony only had on his under-suit. The other Avengers trooped out (Clint and Natasha using the vents, but hey, out nonetheless).They dressed in near silence, stealing the occasional glance at one another before blushing and turning away; well Bruce was turning away, he had a pretty good idea what Tony was doing. After Tony tugged a Metallica shirt over his thin, grey MIT sweater the mechanical genius stopped him from leaving the room. 

"Uh, can I ask you something?" 

"Sure." Bruce had asked more awkward questions than what Tony was bound to ask him. 

"Ummm... Shit. Why does this always happen?" 

"Tony?" Now Bruce was curious, noticing signs of anxiety in the wide pupils, slightly shaking hands and stiff shoulders. 

"Willyougooutwithme?" The younger genius muttered, a bright flush suffusing his cheeks as he finished. 

"What?" He was pretty sure that his friend, the genius billionaire playboy philanthropist, had just asked him out. 

"Oh, you're really going to make me repeat that? Right. I said... Will you go out with me? Or as Cap puts it, will you go steady with me? Be the peanutbutter to my jelly, the arc reactor to my Iron Man, the shield to my Cap? Okay, the last one's a bit too much-Mmm." Bruce gives in to the urge to kiss Tony, gently coaxing a hum from his genius. "Wow. Good kisser." He laughs softly stroking his thumbs over Tony's sharp cheekbones. 

"Tony Stark is speechless? I must be good." he teases as he runs his fingers through Tony's damp waves. 

"The book I gave you... I gave that to Pepper and she didn't even bother to look through it. I know it's only been a few months but I think I can trust you to pull me back from the edge when I'm being an ass." The quiet admission from the cocky genius made Bruce pull Tony close, cradling the shorter man in his arms. 

"Then I trust you to ask if I'm too rough or the Hulk's hovering. He'll do that occasionally." 

"... Hulk hovers?" Tony giggles, meaning actual you-tickled-me-and-I-have-no-defense-help-me kind of giggles that make Bruce chuckle along with his new boyfriend (he wonders if they're too old for that title). 

"Only a little and I've been trying to keep him from protecting you to the point where you can't even fight. We both know you wouldn't like that." They separate quite unwillingly, Tony still keeping hold of his hand with a nonchalance that isn't questioned by the other Avengers. 

The Agents all mutter quietly to themselves and they pass one that says, "Ha! I knew it." The meeting room is empty when they get there, though there's something on the table. 

"Have I mentioned I fucking _despise_ sulfur? You know how hard that shit is to clean out of leather and nylon? Fucking-What is that?" Clint grumbles before spotting the cake with wide eyes. 

"Cake, if I'm not mistaken. Odd." Steve smiles he sees the design on it and the card with the knife, paper plates & plastic forks. "'Sorry about the bad day. Fury's an ass at the best of times. Have some cake and downtime on my behalf. You've got an hour before the camera loops back around.' It's from Coulson." 

"Hey, I know that design. That's a Captain America cake! He said he was gonna make it but wow... It cuts out as an American flag too. Pretty clever." Clint bounces on his tip toes as he cuts into the cake. "It's not poisonous. Geez." He hums and closes his eyes as he savors the cake. Natasha also cuts a piece; soon the Avengers are ragging on the demon pack.

"Oh, man, Steve! When you shield-sliced that demon in half-"

"Hey, that repulsor blast dance was kind of hilarious." Steve counters with a laugh of his own. 

"Yes, yes it was." Tony's shit-eating grin is one Bruce's familiar with. "Clint's arrow Duck, Duck Goose was pretty good." 

"When they realized what we were doing..."

"Priceless." Bruce laughed, "Hulk thought it was funny." 

"Oh, so the other Science-bro comes in?" Clint says from his perch. 

"Science-boyfriends, so put your tongue away, bird-boy." Clint cackles and plants a Nerf arrow on Tony's forehead. "Nice. Did your Mom get that for you?" 

"Phil did, actually." 

"Wait, wait, as in BAMF Phil with the terrifying Taser got you that?" Tony pulls off the sucker-tipped arrow with a pop and leans forward. "I gotta hear this." 

"Secret Santa. It's mandatory for SHIELD. Everyone traded around until Phil got mine and I got his. This was back before we got along like we do now. We technically were to be avoided because of my retaliation and Phil's ability to pile paperwork on whoever messed up his present. I got him a card he'd been missing from his collection and he got me this." Clint wiggled the Nerf gun with a grin as he took another bite of cake. "Fair trade as far as I'm concerned." 

"Wait, you knew what he wanted?" Tony leaned back in slight shock. 

"I checked his collection in his jacket when he was on a mission. The only one missing was the signed potrait one that Steve had drawn of himself. I pulled about six different favors getting that card. I'm not even kidding." The archer snarked as he shot another Nerf arrow at Tony. 

"He appreciated it, right?" 

"Phil became my handler and that was good enough for the both of us." Blue eyes glanced up slyly at the camera, a smile tugging at his lips. "Loop's about up. We should probably finish that cake and at least _look_ busy." 

"Thanks for the reminder." Steve also looked in the direction of the camera and _winked_. Bruce knew something was up when they did that. 

They all pile into Coulson's office like they have been for the past few months, Bruce snuggling up to Tony even as Tony uses Steve as a space heater (seriously, the good Captain gives off way more heat that he figured the man would). He's half awake as he listens to the conversation between them. His stomach makes a noise after Coulson's does and he almost winces as it gives away the fact that he's semi-awake. 

"So, Stark or someone else's this time?" 

"Mine, actually." Coulson pays and it's all Bruce can do to not laugh at Clint's shocked expression. "Hey, I got a bonus. It's not like I was on un-paid leave; I have enough that I could probably go on vacation for the rest of my life and still not have to worry." 

"... Don' like it when you remind me of that." comes Clint's grumbled answer from where he's buried his face in a box. "They like the smell of your office. Just so you know." 

Everyone sleepily stumbles over to the table and eats mumbling thanks to Clint, who looks at them with bemused fondness. After they regain some coherence they looked over at Phil, who was busying himself with sorting his piles and Clint's. It looked like he was going to grab the rest of the Avengers paperwork but a broad hand on his shoulder stopped him. Phil looked up to see Steve smiling and gesturing to sit with them.  

"C'mon. We're here with you. Didn't think you'd want to eat alone?"

"Sure. Did anyone save me some pu cha?" Bruce wordlessly hands over the last container that Natasha had guarded like a dragon. 

* * *

 

_-Two Months Later-_

It's been a shitty day for all of them, followed by a horribly long debrief and more training schedules set. The slightly cleaner Avengers troop in with resignation towards yet another meeting (or so they think). They blink at the cake and Clint's face breaks out into a grin. 

"Yes! He's done it again. Sneaky handler..." 

"You mean this is like last time? An hours worth of relaxation and cake? Awesome." Tony plops himself down and sighs at being seated. Bruce sits in his lap, both of them cuddling as Steve cuts the pieces and passes them around. Thor and Natasha are curled together on another seat (that's not all they've been doing on that chair but Bruce does _not_ want to remember the last time he walked in on them, thank you very much), Steve pulling himself up onto the rafter with an incredibly flexible move to sit with Clint and pressing a kiss to his lips. 

"We should probably thank him." Steve hums as he kicks his feet back and forth. 

"But how?" the archer asks as he taps his chin with a finger. 

"Hello? Technical genius here. Geez. JARVIS, pull up video feed from the last week or so." Tony snarks, rolling his eyes at their supposed stupidity. 

"Right away, Sir."

"Wait a sec, is he seriously checking you guys out? No. He's just fan-boying at Cap again, nevermind. So what can we do?" 

"I've got it." Steve's voice is warm as he cuddles with Clint. 

"You do? Oh, he'll accept pretty much anything from you even if it was a live rattlesnake." Tony's dismissive tone makes him bristle silently. Oh, they'd be having a talk when they got back to the Tower. 

"Tony." Bruce's admonishment has his genius sighing. 

"Okay, maybe not _everything_ but pretty damned close." 

They get back to the Tower and realize that Clint as well as Steve have achieved their goal of snagging Coulson. Tony's been taking it slow with him. While he appreciates the sentiment behind the gesture, Hulk's getting impatient to mark Tony; be it by scent or biting to declare the genius as theirs. He aims to fix that _tonight_ , when everyone else is distracted and also having sex. He does it slowly, following Tony down to the labs like he normally does. 

"Babe, can you hand me that wrench? The one on the top shelf?" comes Tony's muffled question.

"Sure." He deliberately wore a shirt that would ride up when he stretched. Bruce knew that sooner or later he'd get pressed into the glass walls of the lab for a hot, heavy makeout session. He'd turn it up then. "Here." Tony rolled out from the desk where he was working on the Mark XII and his eyes widened at the revealed inch or so of Bruce's skin. 

"Uhhh, your shirt..." 

"Hmm?" He's good at pretending innocence when it suits him, he thinks with an internal grin. "What about it?" Tinkering with a piece of discarded tech he feels Tony's hand hovering just over his iliac crest right as he's about to tighten the interface. 

"It's riding up." Skillful, slender fingers tug the shirt back down and linger for longer than normal. 

"Huh." Bruce shifts his hips minutely and then he's being turned around, pinned to the thick glass before he can breathe. Tony plucks his glasses off for safe-keeping and places them on the table. 

"Fuck. Hate that you're too sexy for your own good..." Calloused hands slide under the too-tight shirt, stroking over the scars he did get from his life on the run. "You sit there," Tony breathed over his skin as he placed sharp nips on his collarbone and neck, "distracting the hell out of me. You don't even know it." 

"I love distracting you." Bruce purrs in reply, arching into Tony's grip before flipping them over with a predatory grin. "No more playing, Tony. I want you." He loosely pins the other genius's hand up, more than willing to let his partner go if he wanted it. "Want you screaming my name, sobbing for breath as I take you as slowly as possible or would you like the honor of shattering my control?" 

"Fuck." Tony hisses as he lets his head fall back against the glass with a thunk. "You talk dirty and it turns me on. Fuck, fuck, fuck, why is it always growly voices and shoulders?" 

"Which one excites you more?" Bruce has no idea his voice could even do that but apparently it _**can**_ and Tony keens sharply, shuddering in his grip. 

"You taking me! Bed. Now." 

"Oh God yes." Bruce picks Tony up with the strength he rarely uses, striding past all of the thankfully sound-proofed rooms straight to the Master Bedroom and closes the door...

* * *

_-One Week Later-_

Phil's greeted by the other two-thirds of his triad with warm, sweet kisses that aren't hindered by cake; Tony had made an unintelligible squeal of joy and whisked it away before it could be crushed. 

"Damn. If you weren't already taken, I'd ask you to marry me. This is a masterpiece." comes the traditional snark from his lover. 

"I find that disheartening, Tony." Bruce teases as Tony takes pictures with his phone in rapid succession. He knows this will have a place of honor in the dessert book before too long. The Captain America cake had made it's way into the moleskin after the first one. 

"No offense, Bruce. I love you to the atoms and back but this cake... You do agree with me, right?" He shakes his head in amusement before smiling. 

"Now that I look at it... This is really well-done, Agent Coulson. I like how Tony's suit is laced with the LED lights. Did you use buttercream or-" Bruce's interested so that he can recreate the cake with just the right ingredients. Tony's rather fond of any repeats Bruce choses to make. 

"Buttercream. I find other icing too plain when matching up the fondant. I folded in lemon, cherry, watermelon, grape, licorice, dragonfruit and blue raspberry flavoring into the colored parts." he hums from his cocoon of Steve and Clint. 

"Which one's the dragonfruit?" Natasha asks as she pulls out a sharp knife to cut the pieces. 

"The silver. I couldn't think of a better flavor."

"I must try this dragonfruit. It sounds like a mighty Midgardian fruit." Thor's comment set them all off laughing. Trust the thunderer to lighten the situation up when he didn't intend it. 

Of course, Pepper drops by for the obligatory 'threatening' talk with both Happy and Rhodes coming in right behind her. Bruce secretly has been waiting for this to pass. He had words of his own that would remind them why they should have looked closer. 

For the occasion he's making miniature fruit shortcakes; another in Tony's dessert book under the lemon meringue pudding and before the All-American apple pie. He washes the blackberries and strawberries in separate containers patting them dry with a clean cloth. He opens the strawberry glaze, reading the date even as he dips his pinky in to check the taste. 

"Hmm." It's perfect (of course) but he still wanted to make sure. 

"Dr. Banner. I didn't know you could... bake." The impatient tapping of heels had alerted him to her presence. 

"Careful, Miss Potts, we have strawberries in here. I wouldn't get too close." he warns before she even steps off the elevator. While Bruce may defend Tony with his dying breath, he's not an asshole either so he gives a heads-up (so to speak).  "Please take a seat in the living room, if you don't mind. I'll be in the kitchen for a little while yet." He arranged the mini shortcakes from the store before scooping the glaze up with a tablespoon smoothing it out with practiced strokes. Repeating the action fifty-nine more times he carefully arranged for twenty of them to be strawberry, twenty of them to be blackberry and twenty to be a combination. Bruce scooped the whipped cream he'd made earlier into a plastic bag as he cut the tip into a W shape before squeezing it out into pretty swan shapes. Setting them in the fridge to cool he strolled over to the chair he and Tony cuddled in, settling in with a Zen expression. "Now, is your business with Tony or...?" 

"You, actually. If you hurt Tony-"

"The way you hurt him? I would never." Her teeth clicked together as she closed her mouth suddenly. Both Rhodes and Happy rose eyebrows but said nothing as Bruce continued calmly, "If you noticed _half_ of what I noticed in my first three months, maybe the two of you would still be together. I'm not saying you're a bad person, Miss Potts. You miss things that should be glaringly obvious. Tony handed this to you once. Do you know what this is?" He pulls the moleskin from his shirt pocket with care not to ruffle the new pages Tony stuffed in there when they passed a new bakery or coffee shop. 

"No. He gave it to me once." Pepper manages before reaching a hand out for it. 

"You were supposed to open it, Miss Potts. It's a very personal book and the entries are painstakingly drawn. Your time for the book has passed." Bruce carefully took off the deep blue rubber-band (they'd picked this one out after the red one had snapped from over-use), sorting the papers back into their proper places with minimal issues before sealing it again. "I've got a bone to pick with the pair of you as well." He acknowledges Pepper getting up and leaving via the elevator with a nod as his gaze lands on the two men still seated. 

"I know I messed up. It's partially my fault that the AirForce has War Machine in the first place." Rhodes said before Bruce could lay into him. "Hey, just saving myself what sounds like a mean lecture that hurts because it's true." Bruce's gaze flashed green for a moment as it landed on Happy. 

The driver looked distinctly uncomfortable but sighed heavily. "I should've been paying attention to the boss more. He was drinking this... stuff but even Pepper didn't think anything of it until he stopped drinking it. I think that was about the time I had some Agent sit in my limo staring me down. I should've warned him that Ms. Rushman wasn't all she seemed either. But the past is the past. I'm just glad Mr. Stark hasn't fired me for gross negligence." Feeling rather accomplished, Bruce then offered them a shortcake. 

"Fruit shortcake?" Rhodes laughed and took one, looking at the swan from all angles. 

"Nice. You ever thought about catering?" 

"Are you kidding? The amount of effort involved would be insane. No thanks. I'm happy to bake for the Avengers and Tony, plus Tony's friends." he counters as Tony grumbles as he troops out of the other elevator. 

"I hate my armor, I hate my reactor, I hate-Are those what I think they are?" His lover's mood brightened considerably as he munched away on a cake while in Bruce's arms. "You distracted me from the Mark XII designs with your growly voice. Now I can't remember squat. What's it called? Sensory memory?" 

"I think so. Was this in the middle or towards the beginning?" 

"Of what, exactly?" James asked as he looked between them. "Oh. Never mind. I don't even want to-"

"But you asked, Rhodey." Tony's smirk made Bruce shake his head even as he slapped a hand over the talented mouth. He ignored the licking of his palm and fingers even though it was making him want to get rid of Tony's friends. 

"Tony, if you don't stop licking my palm, I swear I will take you right here and you will enjoy every bit of shock as much as I do." he growled lowly, causing Tony to shudder softly. "I'm still not happy the bites faded." That pulled a faint whine from Tony. "You lied?" Both Happy and Rhodes had started backing off the minute Bruce started growling in Tony's ear, fleeing when he looked up with his eyes fully green. 

"Like to feel them when I'm stuck in a meeting." the mechanical genius gasps as his mouth is freed of Bruce's grip. 

"You like it when I mark you as ours?" He lifted Tony with a smile, enjoying the fact that the automatic reaction was to wrap legs around his waist. "Want some more?" 

"Yes. They really are starting to fade." the simple answer was all he needed to hear. 

* * *

The habit of gathering in Phil's office doesn't stop; not that it ever has since Tony instigated it in the first place. They split the cupcakes between the four of them, Thor eating most of them and feeding bits to Natasha until she relaxed again. The last mission for her hadn't gone so well. 

"If Natasha hasn't convinced Thor that he needed cupcakes or told Tony? Yes. If not? I can always whip some up in the Avengers' kitchen unit." Steve reassured Phil as they stepped into an Avengers-filled office. 

"Hey! Look, I saved you some. Thought you should enjoy your hard-work." Tony presented them with three of the cupcakes surrounded by a veritable army of rainbow colored crumbs. "Those were really good by the way." 

"Aye, I agree with Anthony." Thor said softly as he fed bits of cupcake to a sleepy Natasha, her eyes relaxed and half-lidded. Bruce was glad to see that Thor had managed that feat without her startling or shying away. 

"Seconded. Can I have the recipe?" He asked as he waved another cupcake in front of Tony's face. 

"Mmm, cupcake." They laughed as the other genius followed the sweet into Bruce's arms. "Mine." 

"Cake and sweets will certainly put the pounds on him if nothing else." Steve said wryly as he peeled off the wrapper for his own baked good. 

"Mnot skinny." Tony muttered even as Bruce poked at his ribs. "Gonna make me fat, actually, if you guys keep making this stuff. I won't be able to fit in the Iron Man." 

"Liar." He returned fondly as he wrapped his arms around Tony's waist. "I can take both of my hands and still touch the tips together."

"You like me fat?" the mock-offended tone had him grinning into the broad shoulder of his lover. There's a tension there that none of them like but wait for Tony to say something. 

"Fat is a matter of fact and life, Tony, but I wouldn't mind if you gained a few pounds that aren't muscle." He crooned as Natasha glanced over at them, rare confusion sliding across her face. 

"You are strange. There is barely any fat on you and yet all you eat is junk food and drink coffee."

"I, uh, had a bit of a eating thing. It was back in college..." The mood of the room dropped as Bruce realized what Tony was saying. Someone had bullied Tony into not eating by calling him fat. "Whoa, hey, the person who said those things isn't here anymore and don't you dare track down anything. Geez, I wish you guys had been there when all of my other things happened. Over-protective much?" They see the tension disappear from Tony's shoulders as he uses humor to raise the mood again. 

"We are a team now." Natasha murmurs as she sits on Thor's tree-trunk thighs. "Teams defend one another from... Everything." 

"Right, well, as off-putting as that was, it's not going to deter me from eating those delicious cupcakes and I swear if Clint doesn't eat his, I'll do it for him." Tony announces as Clint guards his jealously. 

"Steve, make some more for the evil dinosaur cupcake-thief. I happen to like mine without extra bites in it." Clint huffs as he takes another slow, careful bite. 

"Rawr." comes Tony's sarcastic answer and the general mood lightens up entirely as Clint flees to the vent with his cupcake. 

Bruce waits until Tony's half-asleep and most honest before he pounces with his worry. 

"Tony, babe?" 

"Mmm..." The other genius likes to cuddle when he sleeps and Bruce refuses to deny something so simple. 

"Why did they bully you about your weight?" 

"Gave 'em somethin' other than my sexual pref'rence to talk 'bout." came the slurred answer. Bruce had been bullied for both until... Well, the Hulk really and when he was with Betty before that. Afterwards, people either fled him or feared his every word. 

"I'm sorry for not being there."

"No problem. Rhodey beat some sense into 'em. Kinda how we met." Tony's more awake now but not willing to give up the circle of Bruce's arms, apparently, as he burrows even further until he's pressed along every inch. 

"You're so extraordinary." He whispers as he butterfly kisses Tony's cheeks, forehead and lips. 

"Mnot. Just a genius billionaire philanthropist." 

"What happened to the playboy part?" Bruce asks, curious even though he knows the answer. 

"Gave my whirring, clicking heart to a sometimes giant, green rage monster. Thought you knew." The silliness of the answer makes him chuckle softly. "So, uh, do I get a giant green one in return?" 

"It's always been yours, silly man. You just never noticed." Bruce whispers as he takes in his beloved by the light of the arc-reactor. The impulsive question is in his head before he can regret it. "Will you marry me?" 

"In a heartbeat." 

**Author's Note:**

> AAHHHHH! Tony and Bruce are gettin' married in this verse! I did not see that coming Muses... Well played, bastards, well played. Anyone wanna see the last pairing at the wedding, plus before and after? 
> 
> Also, I can still write sappy, mushy couples just as well as trios and tetrads. Dare I try my hand at a quintet... Nah. I'll fuck it royally. Tell me you loved it, you hated every second or insert opinion here please! Plus I'd love some, uh, fanart. Anyone interested? Never had any before.


End file.
